I was sitting with my girls and Joy said: “Dang, I wish I’d get off my back. My daddy, he calls me all the time”. “lucky for you he calls at all”said Jasmine. “I haven’t heard from my dad in years”. At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way to connect with their father. At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization, we have these type of conversations all the time. As a way to help girls in africa descent. Prepare for their passage into womanhood. These girls needed a way to invited their father into their lives, on their own terms. So I asked the girls: “how can we help other girls develop healthy relationshipe with their fathers”. “Let’s have adance” one girl shouted, and all the girls quickly backed her up. They started dreaming about the decorations, invitations, dresses they were going to wear. And what their fathers could and could not wear. It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes. But even if I could have slowed down those girls, I wouldn’t have. Because one thing I haven’t learnt from over a decade of working with girls is that they already know what they need. The wisdom lives inside of them. As long as they have infrastructure, mentorship or resources. They could build what they need, not anly to survive, but to thrive. So we had a dance. And girls and their fathers came in multidudes. They were dressed to the nines. They acted sweet, they acted silly. They really enjoyed each other’s company. It was a huge success. And the girls decided to make it an annual event. So as the season changed, and it was time to plan a dance again. One girl name Brianna spoke up and she said “my dad can’t come to the dance”, and this whole thing is making me sad.” “why not?” the girls asked. “because he is in jail”, she bravely admitted. “well can he just get out for a day?” one of the girls ask. “and come in shackles, that’s worse than not having him here at all.” At this moment, I saw an opportunity for the girl to rise the occasion and to become their own heroes. So I asked: “what do you think we should do about this, we want every girls to experiece the dance, right?”. So the girl thought for a moment, and one girl suggested: “why don’t we just take the dance in the jail?” Most of the girls doubted the possibilty of that and said: “are you crazy? Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls , dressed up to come indede the jail and dance with their daddy in Spongebob suits?” Because that’s what they called them. I said “girl, well well, you never know unless you ask” So a letter was written to the Richmond city Sheriff, signed collectively by each girl. And I would have to say, he is a very sepcial sheriff. He contacted with me immediately and said, when ever there is an opportunity to bring families inside, his door are always open. Because one thing he did know that when father connected to their children, it’s less like they will return. So, 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited . the girls were dressed in their sunday best. Snd their father traded in their yellow and blue jump suits for suits and ties. They hugged, they shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish, they laughed together . It was beautiful. The fathers and daughters even experienced the opportunity to have a physical connection some thing that a lot of them didn’t even have for a while. Fathers were in space where they were able to make their daughter play and put out her chair, and extended his hand for a dance. Even the guards cried. But after the dance,we all realized that Dad still would be in jail. So we needed to create something that they could take with them. So we brought in Flip cams. And we had them look at the Flip cams and just interview each other, their massages, their thought. This was going to be used as a touchstone. So when they started to miss each other, and feel disconnected , they could reconnect through this image. I’ll never forget that one girl looked at her father’s eyes wwiht that camera and said: “daddy, when you look at me, what do you see? “ Because our daddies are ourr mirrors. That we reflected back on when we decide what type of man we deserve, and how they see us for the rest of our lives. I know that very well. Because I was one of these lucky girls. I have had my father in my life always. He’s even here today. And that’s why it’s extremely special for me to make sure that these girls are connected to their fathers. Especially for those who are saparated because of barbed wires and metal doors. We have just created a form for girls who have heavy question on their heartto be in a position to ask their fathers those questions. And given fathers freedom to answer. Because we know that the fathers are even living with this one thought: what type of woman am I preparing to put in the world. Because a father is locked in does not mean he should be locked out of his daughter’s life
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